Exposing Myself (Part 2)

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I became bound to the spirit of masturbation and found myself doing it often once I opened that door and even if I just had sex with a man, I still masturbated afterwards because the spirit of lust had taken root and I had no control over it. Whenever a person open a door for the devil he will bring along other demons with himself to make a home in your body. I was dealing with a spirit of masturbation, lust, and perversion. In the book of Luke 11:24-26 it says: when an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he says, I will return to my house from which I came. And when he comes, he finds it swept and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Now remember, I was serving the Lord at one time and followed him faithfully and my life was swept and put in order. But I didn’t fully surrender everything and nor did I allow God to get to the root of my problem which was a man. Therefore as soon as temptation approached I fell, and I fell hard. I became worse off in the end just like the bible said, than I was in the very beginning when I first dedicated my life to God. My old lifestyle came back and I started back smoking cigarettes, marijuana, and drinking on a daily basis. All of my friends were only those who either smoked weed, cigarettes, or either was a drinker because I needed them to support my habits. My appearance began to change and I didn’t realize how bad I was looking until I went to visit my mom one particular day and she looked into my eyes with disappointment and said: Vicky you are looking so bad. Eleven years ago I looked like I was smoking crack cocaine and I never did crack a day in my life. I lost so much weight and was skin and bones and on top of that I cut off all of my hair which made me look even worse. I could’ve played a part in the television series called The Walking Dead because I looked as if I was getting ready to die at any given moment. My life hit rock bottom and during that time I was living with my father and didn’t have a job. I was getting food stamps once a month and would sell them for weed. I can testify today that I was so bad off and was becoming worse each day. I wasn’t a good mother to my two children because I was too busy putting all of my time and affection into men and was in the streets all day everyday. I wanted that life again when I didn’t have any children but I first want to make something perfectly clear so that nobody gets confused, what I meant by saying that men was my problem is that choosing the wrong men was my problem, and every time I got involved with a different man, he was the wrong man every time which was every two to three months that I had a new one because my relationships during that time never lasted a full year. I use to always send prayers up to God saying: God please bless this relationship by allowing me and this man to get married. It’s embarrassing to say that I prayed this same prayer for different men for eleven straight years, and because that wasn’t God’s will for me to marry any of them it never happened and God never answered my prayer. I told God that if I got married then I wouldn’t be committing fornication because I knew it was wrong and knowing that I had already turned my back on God and was no longer doing what was right, death became my worse fear and thoughts of eternity in hell was always on my mind.

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