Exposing Myself (Part 1)

In the book of Ecclesiastes 3:1 it says: To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. This is definitely my season and God has placed me in the right place at the right time although it took me years to get where I am because I spent most of my life in rebellion. No this is not my season to be a wife but a season to put myself out there; to put my past on display in order to help somebody. I will be exposing myself without dressing anything up because God can’t move through a dressed up testimony, a testimony that’s pretty and all cleaned up. But God is raising up men and women such as myself to tell it like it is and baring all without being ashame and to expose sin for what it really is because God’s power is more effective through flaws, failures, defeat, and weaknesses to remind the people of God that we did not become who we are or what we are on our own, but only through his power. My road leading to celibacy didn’t happen overnight but my journey puts me in the mind of the children of Israel when they wandered in the wilderness forty years after God delivered them out of the land of Egypt. During those forty years they murmured, complained; they were stubborn, disobedient, and ungrateful which reminds me of myself. In the book of Deuteronomy 1:2 it says: It is eleven days journey from Horeb by way of Mount Seir to Kadesh Barnea. So Moses was saying that after the Exodus from Egypt it was only an eleven day journey for them to enter into the promised land, but an eleven day journey turned into forty years due to their disobedience. And for me it took from 2004 until 2015 (eleven years) to finally say yes Lord and to fully surrender my life to Him at the age of forty. And it wasn’t because I didn’t know the Lord because I did know him and I witnessed his power and the transformation that he brought about in my life but my problem was men. I always had to have somebody in my life and felt that something was wrong with me if I didn’t. I felt like I could change a person by living a Christian lifestyle in their presence and that I could make a difference in their life, but it’s a lie and a set up from the devil, and a major set up from hell. The bible even warns believers in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 saying: Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? In verse seventeen he also says: Come out from among them and be separate says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean and I will receive you. So when you’re thinking that your Christian lifestyle will have an influence on them, their lifestyle will begin to have an influence on you instead and that’s when my troubles really began. The love, joy, peace, and happiness that I once felt and experienced while following and living for the Lord soon passed away and my heart begin to change and turn away from God and from all of the teachings that I had been taught about Him. The men that I was dealing with was corrupt and I became corrupt. Their thinking became my thinking and their lifestyle became my lifestyle and God was no where in the picture. Back in 2005 I was introduced to phone sex opening a demonic door that took years to shut. There was a guy that I was friends with during that time and I never masturbated or did anything like that in my entire life not even while I was in prison. The man told me to do certain things while I spoke with him over the phone and I listened to him and began touching myself until I had an orgasm allowing the spirit of masturbation to enter into my life. When you depart from the Lord, you can never say what you will not do because you would be amazed at some of the things that you are capable of doing. In the book of Jeremiah verse seventeen verse nine it says: The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it? So please do not be deceived, because you do not know your heart like you think you know it.

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